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Letters to SUN

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TBE - takes you to places other mags can only dream of!

December 1998

Eclectic Eric awakes and puts pen to paper:

Dear SUN,

I had a curious dream a few days ago. I dreamt I was a wealthy landowner and liked to stride around my property with a giant hound. One sunny day I was horrified to find someone had been on my property and had erected a line of wooden posts, all of which had been carved in the shape of nude men and women standing stiffly at attention. What impertinence! I stood there fuming angrily for a minute or so, then I walked through the line and saw a group of people sifting on my grassland, talking and laughing. I was horrified to see they were completely nude, just like the posts. One of the fellows got up and came over to me.

"Sorry, sir," he said, "you must not cross the line of posts if you are wearing clothes. This side is for nudists only."

"I wouldn't dream of taking my clothes off," I said, "and you have no right to be here on my land." At this they all laughed and began to dance around in a most shameful and disgusting manner. My hound howled as I pulled him away, so I decided to make a tactical retreat and once more crossed the line of posts. I noticed their carved faces were smirking as I passed, and I resolved to wipe that smirk off their beastly faces. When I looked back, the nudists were leapfrogging over the posts and even over each other. I hurried away to the security of my house.

What was I to do? I talked to my estate manager and we decided to creep out that night with ropes and a block and tackle which we borrowed from the local shipyard. We tied the block and tackle between the tops of two posts in turn, so we were then able to pull them down and drag them off to a disused cowshed. We covered the holes and when I went back next day there was no trace of the posts or the nudists. Nor was there any trace of the cowshed, and my hound had turned into K-9 with wheels, then it became a noisy farm vehicle which rolled off into the far distance. It felt as if I had dreamt it all: perhaps it had all been a bad dream. I woke up, and realised I had been snoozing in a tent in my garden after a spell of sunbathing on my patio whilst reading the latest copy of The Bare Essentials.

Eclectic Eric

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