Some Amusing and Serious Truths about Studland
December 1999
Dear SUN,
I have enjoyed Studland for around thirty years and have watched it go from a
static, peaceful wilderness under the reign of Ralph Bankes, to the commercial
mess now created by the National Trust and its partner in crime, English Nature.
Since the sudden appearance of the red posts and the red herring known as
Heather Walk, there has been a great deal of incorrect information and fairy
tales (no pun intended, boys!) given to the public at Studland by the National
Trust and the local bobbies, in order to justify and enforce the new barbaric
restrictions.
Ralph Bankes did not like nudists at Studland?
Friends who knew him socially confirm that frankly, my dears, he didn't give
a damn. He was (unlike the National Trust) more concerned about camping in the dunes - and I
don't mean in the gay sense. Unlike the new regime, he was not in the least
homophobic or nudiphobic. In his time, having a gay time just meant having a
great time on the beach.
You can be arrested if you go beyond the red posts?
No! The same criminal laws apply whichever side your arse is on. No-one at
all has been arrested for simply walking, running, standing, sitting, lying
down, picking his nose, licking his fingers, being asleep (standing up or lying
down) or breaking wind in the nude beyond the red posts. I know this from
personal experience.
You can be arrested for having an erection?
Having an erection (Viagra is no defence in law!), flashing from behind your
clothes like some perverted textile, stalking someone and playing with your
"toy" could be an offence under criminal law, even if furtively
and pervertedly viewed through powerful binoculars from the "bird
hide" on the hill. The only crude and obscene erections allowed at Studland
are red or yellow topped posts. They are not yet covered by criminal law.
The local police in support of the National Trust - who finance them
generously every year (in a charitable manner, for the policeman's ball, you
understand) - could, of course, find an obscure reason to arrest you if you
refuse their request to go back into the National Trust corral. Unless you can prove you are
a lawyer, it may well be advisable to dress: you may, like so many nudists
before you, return to the harmless pastime of nudism, after they have rushed off
for an urgent tea break, or have been reluctantly dragged away from their beach
time in order to deal with much less serious crimes such as muggings, break-ins,
stolen cars or the occasional murder.
Call it luck if you will but if this year is anything to go by, for me at
least things are improving: I am experiencing less hassle resulting from my
continued colour blindness to the red posts. Could it be that the National Trust is running
out of money (charitably donated!) to finance extra wardens, new vehicles and
fuel at Studland, to fight the growing menace of wandering nudists and SUN
Group?
As has been my practice for thirty years, I have continued to enjoy the
freedom of Studland for several months this year. I have at least two walks a
day through parts of the traditional nudist area (which now includes He-at-her
Walk with its enchanting, colourful yellow top posts - many of them artistically
streaked with rust from the scaffold poles from which they are made - which are
a constant delight to look at). I also walk nude to the dunes near the lake and
meet fellow nudists, all of us sunbathing in peace far from the National Trust
Textile Commandos.
I continue to find that the only people (mentally?) disturbed by nudists are
those paid by the National Trust. More than likely it remains the case, as it has for the
past five years, that any "complaints" received by the National Trust do not
relate to simple nudism. Most will relate to the word "Stud" Land,
which may attract some people by its apparent horniness. "Heather
View" would not have quite the same connotation! I wonder if it was Ralph
Bankes who gave it that name? Whatever, the wardens continue daily to wear out
the route of Heather Walk looking for stray nudists, naughty fairies massing up
their posts, or gypsies selling lucky Studland heather without a National Trust licence.
Unlike previous years when I have experienced regular intimidation, rudeness,
threats (which anywhere else would be classed as criminal) from the untrained
and in some cases unscreened psychopathic wardens, I have this year only been
approached once, by two goons. Seeing me standing beyond the red posts talking
to someone else, also without clothing, these two - possibly seeking to justify
their authoritative looking "uniform" -approached us, feasting their
eyes on my scrumptious body. One of them told us both to get back inside the red
posts. "No", I said. "Are you going to move?" he asked.
"No", I replied. He persevered: "Are you going to put your shorts
on" I responded "No. I have committed no criminal offence - you know
that and I know that." Defeated like Goliath, they slunk away.
I continued my interrupted conversation with my fellow nudist, who applauded
my actions. He then said he would join SUN Group and cancel his National Trust
membership. Well done, National Trust! Each time you harass a nudist for being outside the
red posts, it's another member for SUN Group and frequently one less for you! So
to all nudists at Studland I would say this: hard as it may be, be polite, stand
your ground, know your rights, state them clearly, and keep your cool. In spite
of their official looking outfits, the wardens do not have the authority of the
police. They are not entitled to know your name and you do not have to tell
them. They are, however, instructed to give you theirs - in fact, they are
supposed to wear name badges - although they are reluctant to do either.
Remember, you are no more breaking the law than a textile with a jockstrap on.
I have been spotted by the local bobbies about three times this year
(possibly more, with their high powered surveillance binoculars) within the
traditional area but outside of the "official" area, which is within
the traditional area (if you get what I mean). They closely watched my movements
(although I do not mince) as if I was a criminal about to commit a crime against
humanity. But, unlike the last few years, they did not approach me on behalf of
the National Trust. Perhaps they already have my mug shot on the dartboard in the Studland
War Room? Or did my dark, all-over tanned, shapely body show them that I am a
genuine naturist out to enjoy the perverted pleasure of uniting my body and soul
with the natural surroundings? A word of warning, though: they still approach
with suspicion white bottomed nudists who may be textiles just sitting on the
fence - or should that be the red posts?
The tactics adopted by the National Trust and nudists since the red post restrictions can
be quite amusing to watch and will no doubt continue into the next century, as
long as the obscene red posts remain erect and exposed at Studland. But it all
adds to the colour of the beach and that includes the gaily coloured red and
yellow posts, bright blue signs and cheerful flags of all sorts that adorn
Studland, and which clash delightfully against the backdrop of the beach, dunes
and heathland, reflecting the modern image the National Trust wishes to portray.
In the long term, this Tom Sharpe farce will go down in the history of Studland.
Ralph Bankes, spinning in his grave past the year 2000, is part of the better
history of Studland.
SUN Group will also become a Studland legend, having achieved a great deal of
media coverage of nudism - all as a result of the National Trust's actions. The
National
Trust is past history for a lot of its former members, who have seen the damage
it has done to Studland and its complete an utter disregard for public opinion
and nudists' rights. In spite of the continued glossy charitable impression they
spin to the media and the general public that they have "given"
nudists a part of the beach, they have in fact given us nothing that we did not
already have. They have created an "official" nudist area within the
established nudist area, so we now have two in one! At the end of the day,
whilst we all know the law can be an ass - especially when influenced by the
National Trust
at Studland - criminal law is the same whichever side of the red posts you and I
choose to go.
Let us therefore continue, determined as before, to enjoy the freedom of the
traditional nudist area for ever and everyone, without fear (like the biblical
David) of the Goliath of Studland, the National Trust. That way the SUN will
always shine for you and me at Studland
A Edunnam
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